City: Oxford, United Kingdom
Listening to: Sufjan Stevens, Impossible Soul
Reading: Kathryn Stockitt, The Help
Watching: Athol Fugard, The Train Driver
Quote: Ryan Lobo, Focus on what is dignified, courageous and beautiful
In December it was very cold in Oxford. One morning I woke up and the street was covered in pure white snow. A thick layer of snow covered the lofty spires. Across the Port Meadow, little was visible for the serene glare of white. Later the fog slowly descended on the white speckled trees against a backdrop of a vibrant pink and blue sky. The sun desperately attempted to illuminate the century old buildings that make up this spectacular university. It was beyond beautiful. It was magical.
On Friendship
One of the most wonderful things about Oxford is the vast array of guest speakers it draws in. A number of weeks ago I had the pleasure of listening to the South African play right, Athol Fugard talk about defining moments in his life. On his masterpiece, Master Harold...and the Boys, Fugard commented that his Mother's African 'boy', Sam, was the best friend he has ever had. I have heard this proclamation by many a South African. Previously I believed it to be a pretentious attempt to separate oneself from the horrors inflicted by apartheid. But Athol made his pronouncement amid a story of his own betrayal, of his complicity in apartheid monstrosity. It made me re-evaluate not only my preconceptions about South Africans' stories of friendship, but also in the notion of friendship itself.
What qualities did Athol's Sam have that provided the greatest bond of friendship? Perhaps it was the devotion, whether real or a bi-product of the fear of the wrath of the master. Perhaps, as Athol seemed to allude to, it was the surety that Sam would listen and not judge. Is that all we need from friendship- unquestionable loyalty?
New friendships too became of immeasurable importance. Many people wanted to know if I had met a man at Oxford, 'no I would reply, but I met a best friend.' Many people tickled my year at Oxford but this one friend made the experience what it was. It wasn't just that we shared a love of Africa, or of cooking and good food, or bike rides in the summer, or the Purple Turtle until the wee hours of the night. It was the laughter. When others were collapsing in fits of stress or exhaustion, we were in my basement kitchen eating hollandaise and impersonating high school teachers.
I used to firmly believe that friendship needed to provide intellectual stimulation, needed to be based on shared beliefs and values, needed to based in a common history and identity. It has come as a late realisation in life that the very best friendships are those which simply make you feel safe and happy. A shoulder to cry on, a shared laugh, a nod of understanding, a feeling that someone else thinks your a wonderful human being- that is what makes true friendship.
It is a simple combination really and maybe many people never find it. I guess I am very lucky...
Listening to: Sufjan Stevens, Impossible Soul
Reading: Kathryn Stockitt, The Help
Watching: Athol Fugard, The Train Driver
Quote: Ryan Lobo, Focus on what is dignified, courageous and beautiful
In December it was very cold in Oxford. One morning I woke up and the street was covered in pure white snow. A thick layer of snow covered the lofty spires. Across the Port Meadow, little was visible for the serene glare of white. Later the fog slowly descended on the white speckled trees against a backdrop of a vibrant pink and blue sky. The sun desperately attempted to illuminate the century old buildings that make up this spectacular university. It was beyond beautiful. It was magical.
On Friendship
One of the most wonderful things about Oxford is the vast array of guest speakers it draws in. A number of weeks ago I had the pleasure of listening to the South African play right, Athol Fugard talk about defining moments in his life. On his masterpiece, Master Harold...and the Boys, Fugard commented that his Mother's African 'boy', Sam, was the best friend he has ever had. I have heard this proclamation by many a South African. Previously I believed it to be a pretentious attempt to separate oneself from the horrors inflicted by apartheid. But Athol made his pronouncement amid a story of his own betrayal, of his complicity in apartheid monstrosity. It made me re-evaluate not only my preconceptions about South Africans' stories of friendship, but also in the notion of friendship itself.
What qualities did Athol's Sam have that provided the greatest bond of friendship? Perhaps it was the devotion, whether real or a bi-product of the fear of the wrath of the master. Perhaps, as Athol seemed to allude to, it was the surety that Sam would listen and not judge. Is that all we need from friendship- unquestionable loyalty?
This past year I have learnt a lot about friendship. The sheer physical distance of my older friendships has made me recognise the important place those friends have in my heart. When one of my oldest and most dear friends was struck by tragedy last year, I felt a pain so deep for her it shocked me. In many ways I had been become complacent of our friendship. The experience made me recognise that the last fifteen years of confidence, laughter and support were more important than I could have imagined.
New friendships too became of immeasurable importance. Many people wanted to know if I had met a man at Oxford, 'no I would reply, but I met a best friend.' Many people tickled my year at Oxford but this one friend made the experience what it was. It wasn't just that we shared a love of Africa, or of cooking and good food, or bike rides in the summer, or the Purple Turtle until the wee hours of the night. It was the laughter. When others were collapsing in fits of stress or exhaustion, we were in my basement kitchen eating hollandaise and impersonating high school teachers.
I used to firmly believe that friendship needed to provide intellectual stimulation, needed to be based on shared beliefs and values, needed to based in a common history and identity. It has come as a late realisation in life that the very best friendships are those which simply make you feel safe and happy. A shoulder to cry on, a shared laugh, a nod of understanding, a feeling that someone else thinks your a wonderful human being- that is what makes true friendship.
It is a simple combination really and maybe many people never find it. I guess I am very lucky...
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